Has this even been done before?
by The Snazzy Hat
Summary: Well, I didn't see anybody else try this so I figured why not? That and I spent way too much time and effort into this thing (instead of ALL MY OTHER PROJECTS) to just let it sit around. So be warned. A self insert I decided to write one night that got out of hand. Quickly. But rest at ease, there will be no OOC or overpowered wish-fulfillment. Hopefully will remain a oneshot.


Lewis was having a fairly peaceful day at home. Nothing was really happening, so he felt it was best to just wear whatever the hell he felt like and that happened to be a nice set of cotton pyjamas. It was getting late into the day when Lewis logged on to his computer, and later still when he saw something that caught his eye as he browsed through his emails.

"What the hell?" he thought aloud, spying a message clearly labelled 'FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: OMG, U WILL NOT BELIEVE DI…'.  
"What kind of idiot sends spam this see-through? More importantly, who the hell sent this to me? Ah well, I could use a laugh." He shrugged.

With the intent of mocking whatever the email brought up, Lewis clicked on the innocuous email and he was immediately hit with a huge block of text. Cracking his knuckles for dramatic effect, Lewis started reading.

"Blah blah blah… Something about Bloody Mary… Don't they get that it's a drink? Waffling on about dead children, scorned lovers or whatever… die in about a week or so depending on time-zones and nationality… Hang on." Lewis said, surprised that the writing had changed from awful grammar and layout to a pretty good email.

'If you have read this far, then that's good. But if you don't want to be transported to an entirely new world, then stop reading immediately and delete this email.'

"Huh. Not often that chain mail encourages you to delete it." Lewis said, leaning closer.

'Still reading? If you are then you've made your choice. You now have only two choices. Transport yourself to the anime world you would most love to live in by forwarding this email to three people. It doesn't matter which. Or delete this email now and be transported to the world of the anime you would least like to live in. You have two hours. Decide.'

"What a load of horseshit." Lewis said, mousing over the delete button and clicking it without a second thought. "Strange that it specified anime though. Maybe it was made just for me."

As time wore on and Lewis went to bed, he started wondering what world he would least like to be in. Code Geass? Well, he sounded British enough to pass as a Britannian so he should have been alright at the very least. Higurashi? All he'd really have to do was get out of the town before the cotton festival arrived. Black Lagoon? Oh crap, Black Lagoon.

"Not much room for a guy not even out of high school in Roanapur." Lewis chuckled as he slid into bed. "But hey, at least the ocean looks pretty. I guess that's something."

And with that, Lewis began to sleep.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

It was a fairly hot day outside Roanapur. Lagoon Company had a job that took them fairly far away from the city of crime itself, and after they'd finished delivering a package to a mercenary ship they'd decided to have a little R&R in the cool blue waters of Thailand.

"Ah, this is the life eh Rock?" Revy grinned after gulping down a cold beer.

"It's definitely better than my old one, that's for damn sure." Rock agreed.

"Hey Dutch! Is the barbeque set up yet?" Benny asked with fishing rod in hand.

"Almost got it." Dutch said, fiddling with the gas hose. "I'd almost forgotten we'd had this thing on board."

"You just keep watch for any fish, won't ya Benny?" Revy smirked, looking across the crystal blue waters. Then, Revy's keenly trained eyes detected something small floating in the crystal blue waters in front of their boat. "Hey Dutch, you see that?"

Dutch looked over to the small shape and grabbed for his binoculars. "It looks like something floating in the water. Actually scratch that, someone."

"Some poor bastard must have got tossed from their boat and died. Now they're just floatin' on the surface." Revy snorted.

"Actually, I think I can see some movement from 'im." Dutch said, passing the binoculars to Revy. "Doesn't look that old either. My guess is somewhere in his teens."

Looking through the binoculars, Revy saw what Dutch was looking at. "Shit, you're right. But we came from that way, how did he get there? Was he below the water or something?"

"I dunno, but one thing I know is he's picked a fine place to get stranded. Not many boats come through this way and he's a long fuckin' way from any land mass." Dutch said, running a hand over his head.

"So what should we do?" Rock asked.

"Well… We can't leave 'im out here." Dutch said. "I guess we'll have to pick him up and drop him off somewhere. Not entirely sure if he'll be cut out for Roanapur, but he'll probably survive a little longer than if he just stayed out in the ocean."

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Lewis awoke surrounded by nothing but the colour of crystalline blue around him. His eyes were stinging, the overwhelming taste of salt filled his mouth and nose and a bright fractured light shone down from the waves above him. Lungs bursting for air, Lewis rose to the surface with a splash, sucking down greedy breaths as he surfaced.

Swirling around in the ocean waters, Lewis found himself in a terrible situation. Water. Water, water everywhere with barely a rotted plank in sight for buoyancy.

"Oh Christ, where am I?" he groaned to himself, paddling around to try and keep his head above the waves of the ocean. After a few minutes of wondering if he was in a dream or not, the sound of an engine started creeping into Lewis' hearing range. Turning around, he saw a metal boat bearing down on him! The boat gradually slowed and a man peered over the side. Lewis almost instantly recognised him, and that was definitely not a good thing.

"Hey kid, are you alright?" Dutch asked.

"Uh… I think so." Lewis stammered. "I mean, I'm not hurt or anything, but I'm kinda wondering what the hell I'm doing all the way out here."

"Well you picked a fine spot for a nap. Climb on board and we'll get you to shore." Dutch said.

"Thanks!" Lewis shouted, trying to calm himself down. No idea where he was, suddenly finding himself in undoubtedly the single worst way to wake up and the shock of finding out that some chain emails actually told the truth. Who would have guessed?

A rope ladder descended from the top of the boat and Lewis grabbed a hold of the ladder and hauled himself upwards. Lewis thudded heavily onto the metal deck of the PT boat, trying to catch his breath. When he opened his eyes again, Lewis was greeted to the sight of Revy looming over him with an imposing shadow and he couldn't help but recoil in surprise.

"Huh, look at that. He's scared of you already." Benny laughed.

"Yeah well I guess the kid's got good fuckin' reason to." Revy rebutted before turning back to Lewis. "So tell us kid, what the hell are you doing all the way out here in the middle of the South China Sea in nothing but your pyjamas?"

Lewis' mind reeled with questions himself. Like how to get out of this without getting shot and tossed overboard. Somehow he thought 'Oh, I read a magical e-mail that somehow teleported me into a fictional universe. Oh, you're all fictional by the way' wasn't exactly going to go smoothly as an explanation.

"Uh… I guess I was on a passenger ship and I went to bed for the night. But then I woke up here a while ago, but I don't remember anything between the two times." Lewis hazarded. Revy didn't look at all convinced.

"From that piece of shit excuse I'm just gonna assume that you don't wanna tell us. And that's fine because I don't give a fuck about where you came from, got it?" she asked.

Lewis hesitated slightly before nodding. "Got it."

"So what's your name kid?" Dutch asked.

"Lewis. My name is Lewis." He said, standing up.

"You know, you're quite calm for someone who's just been taken on board a pirate vessel." Rock observed.

'Oh shit. I guess I am being a little too calm.' Lewis thought, letting his jaw drop. "I what?"

"Well, technically we're a delivery group. Sometimes we operate outside the law to keep our business afloat, in more ways than one." Dutch explained.

Lewis' eyes drifted down to spot the handle of Dutch's revolver and gulped. "So… What's going to happen now?"

Dutch sat down on one of the folding chairs that had been set up for the barbeque and scratched his chin. "That's a good question. Hopefully you'll be able to contact someone that can find you in Roanapur and take you back to your home."

Lewis thought for a while before shaking his head. Black Lagoon took place somewhere in the early to mid 90's. Lewis wasn't even born until 1997. "I don't think that's going to be a possibility."

"And why not?" Dutch questioned.

"My parents are real old school types of people. They don't even own a phone." Lewis lied, silently praying Dutch would go along with it.

"What, are your olds fucking dinosaurs or something?" Revy asked.

"They've been called worse, but something like that." Lewis shrugged.

Dutch scratched his head, groaning as he did. "And here I was planning for a relaxing fishing trip." He muttered. "Alright, you'll be able to tag along with us until we get to shore. After that, we part ways."

"Wait, I don't even know where I am." Lewis said, beginning to panic at the prospect of being all alone in Roanapur. "Could I at least see a map or something?"

"Right now I can tell you that the closest city is Roanapur, and that's part of a cluster of islands in Thailand." Dutch said. "That place is a hive of murders, thugs and lowlifes, and definitely not a place for a kid like you. So unless you catch a ride somewhere else or you're a damn good swimmer, you're pretty much fucked."

"I guess it's better than the alternative." Lewis said uncomfortably, looking out to sea.

"Alright. I don't think we've introduced ourselves. The name's Dutch and I'm responsible for keeping Lagoon Company running smoothly. The one in the Hawaiian shirt is Benny, our IT guy. And the guy with the tie is Rock. He's our negotiator for when things go according to plan. And finally Revy, our gunslinger, is for when things don't go according to plan." Dutch explained, indicating to each crew member in turn.

"And that's when the real fun starts." Revy grinned with malice, a cold shiver running up Lewis' spine. That and he was getting really damn cold from being completely soaked in ocean water.

"Uh, you guys wouldn't happen to have any spare clothes on board would you?" Lewis asked, trying to warm himself.

"Probably, but it's doubtful that it'd fit you." Benny said before lifting up a fish from the ocean. "Hey, looks like we finally got one!"

"Just throw it on the barbeque while I find our new friend here something to wear." Dutch said.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Later in the day, Lewis had been given something other than sodden pyjamas to wear in the form of a simple grey hoodie, a faded and torn up pair of jeans and a pair of Revy's old combat boots. He just hoped he would be able to get some new shoes when he got to Roanapur. He didn't want to know what the hell Revy had done in those shoes.

After a few hours the sun began to dip over the horizon and the lights of Roanapur came into view. It was a colourful mishmash of orange hues, pinpricks of neon purple and red, but yet the entire city still seemed to be shrouded in darkness.

"So, how long do you think you're going to last here?" Revy asked Lewis, who was sitting at the bow of the boat as they sped towards the city. "Dutch reckons you'll only survive the better part of a month, but I'm thinking a privileged little brat like you is only gonna last a week."

"What gave you the idea that I was privileged?" Lewis asked, turning to Revy.

"Believe me, it's not hard to tell. Your eyes are all wide and innocent. Your hands look like they've never worked a day in your life. And then there's your smell." Revy glowered. "You don't stink of the gutter. Actually, I take it back. You won't last a day in Roanapur."

Lewis looked away, back at the city he was rapidly approaching. "You might be right. From what you've told me this city is like some kind of lethal man trap for the unprepared. But I'm not stupid. I could last a day at least."

Revy's eyebrow raised at what she saw as a challenge and she grabbed Lewis' shoulder and turned him back to her. "Alright then, how about this if you're feeling so damn confident. You last a whole day alone in Roanapur and I'll just shrug if you say you wanna join Lagoon Company instead of shooting you in the forehead right then and there."

"Seriously?" Lewis asked. 'Joining Lagoon Company? That'd increase my chances of surviving by… actually it would stay pretty much the same, but I'd actually have some company. But surviving for just one day should be easy.'

"So what do you say kid?" Revy grinned, holding out her hand. "Do we have a deal?"

Lewis thought about it for a moment, but something struck him as odd. "What do you have to gain from this? Seems fairly one sided."

"So dying isn't bad enough a downside for ya is it?" Revy asked. "Alright, how about this. If you do survive but you've got no money to give me by tomorrow, say… a hundred bucks, I'll drag you all the way back out to where we found you and leave you there."

"You still haven't told me what you have to gain from all this." Lewis said, deflated that Revy had decided to increase his stress levels even more.

"I just wanna see how far you're willing to sink in the name of survival. So abandon all hope, ya little fucker, because either you're going to die clinging to your precious morals or you're going to live with death on your conscience." Revy grinned nastily, leaning closer to Lewis.

"Revy, quit scaring him." Rock said calmly, walking across the deck. "We're almost at the dock. Dutch asked if you could help him with a bit of heavy lifting in the hold."

"Alright, alright." Revy said, getting up and descending to the hold. "Remember our deal kid!"

Rock looked at Revy curiously before turning to Lewis. "Deal?" he asked.

Lewis sighed and turned back to Roanapur. "Revy told me that if I could survive in Roanapur for a day as well as giving her one hundred dollars by tomorrow she'd have no problems with me trying to join Lagoon Company." Lewis explained. "If not… Well she said that she'd toss me back out to sea like a fish too small to eat."

Rock seemed to take this in and sat down beside Lewis. "You don't have to join Lagoon Company. It's not like it's any less dangerous than living in Roanapur. It's probably even more dangerous."

"It's better than the alternative. I doubt I'd be good at pickpocketing, and don't get me started on the even less desired options." Lewis shuddered.

Rock looked out to the city as well, taking a drag from his cigarette. Scrounging around in his pocket, he handed a crumpled note to Lewis. "Here. It's not much, but it'll help."

Lewis took the crumpled note and unfolded it, revealing a twenty dollar note. Stashing it back in his pocket Lewis turned to Rock. "Thanks a lot. No idea how I'll get the rest, but it's a start."

"You're welcome." Rock said solemnly. "Good luck, since I guess this might just be the last time we ever speak."

"Not if I can help it." Lewis said grimly. "But thanks for the wishful thinking."

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Upon arriving at the docks of the city, Dutch addressed Lewis.

"Alright, welcome to Roanapur. Don't piss anyone off, and you'll stay alive. Probably." Dutch surmised. "Also, stay away from anyone in sunglasses or tacky clothing. Those guys are usually affiliated with one of the big criminal organisations. Got all that?"

"Got it." Lewis said.

"Good. Now get the hell off my boat." Dutch said as he jumped onto the dock.

Lewis leapt onto the dock as well before walking towards the bright lights of the city, but Dutch caught his attention again.

"And by the way, Revy told me about your little bet! Even if you pass Revy's test you've still gotta prove your worth to me, kid!" Dutch said as the crew piled into a red GTO before trundling around a corner, probably on the hunt for a bar.

Lewis looked around the city and started walking. It was night, and all the scum of Roanapur started floating to the top. Prostitutes, gamblers, mercenaries and drug dealers and users crowded the streets. Lewis had to occasionally step over the legs of an unconscious drunk on his way to…

'Where am I even going?' Lewis thought to himself. But his train of thought was disrupted by a small child crashing into his side. "Hey!"

"Sorry mister!" the kid shouted as he ran off.

Lewis looked on after the kid and chuckled to himself. "Stupid pickpockets. Have fun with no money." He said, making sure Rock's twenty dollar note was still in his boot before continuing onwards. "Now, where the hell am I going? And more importantly, how am I going to make eighty dollars by this time tomorrow?" he mumbled to himself.

Then it hit him. The Yellowflag! Of course! Gambling always happened there, and fights always happened there! He was sure he could nab at least eighty bucks from a table when a brawl broke out, or when the place was being destroyed again. He just had to make sure that nobody knew it was him stealing from their tables. And survive the bar getting blown to hell of course.

After making his way through the busy streets, he eventually found the familiar trouble magnet. Stepping inside it was just as loud, crowded and seedy as he remembered it to be. Flipping his hood up, Lewis carefully made his way to a thankfully vacant table tucked into a corner where he could observe the happenings inside the bar undisturbed. Looking to the bar, it seemed Lagoon Company had already arrived and Rock and Revy were in the middle of another round of drinking. Smirking slightly, Lewis looked over the rest of the bar but his plan failed to take into consideration one vitally important thing. Guns existed. On every table except for his, there was some kind of firearm. It was more than a bit of a deterrent for wannabe thieves like Lewis.

But then after only a few minutes, a fight broke out. Two men, each dressed badly and incredibly angry looking, stood up and reached for their guns. The female bar patrons screamed and dropped to the floor when they saw the guns, but before any firing could be heard there was a loud click from the bar. Bao, who was very angry looking and holding an equally angry looking shotgun pointed directly at the two thugs with the guns, declared an ultimatum.

"I swear, if any of you fuckers shoot up my bar again not only am I going to give you several new buckshot assholes, but I'm closing this bar down for good! I mean it! Now either sit your asses down or take this outside!" he roared.

"I suggest you do as the man says." Revy growled. "Because this is one of the best damn bars in this craphole. If you're responsible for closing this place down then you're gonna have to answer to me."

'No! Bao, Revy, don't do this to me!' Lewis thought desperately as the two men put away their guns.

"You and I are gonna fight this out you cheating son of a bitch." Growled one of them.

"Fine by me you fucker." Seethed the other.

'Jackpot!' Lewis grinned as the table was left entirely unguarded as most of the bar crowded into the centre to see the fight.

Lewis stood up and moved through the crowd, pretending to try and get a better look but actually jostling his way closer and closer to the gambling table. It was almost too easy. Several twenties were stacked into three piles and Lewis passed a hand over them, ensuring that he'd reached the hundred bucks that Revy wanted.

'The money is probably stolen anyway. For me to take it is just dirty money changing hands.' He reasoned with himself.

Slipping it into the sleeve of his hoodie, Lewis jostled around in the crowd again before exiting the Yellowflag and making his way into an adjacent alley. Spying a fairly large cardboard box, Lewis opened it up and lay on the ground before dropping the box over himself, concealing him within the box. A crack in the top of the box let the streetlight above in, so Lewis began to count the money he'd taken.

"Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, one hundred, one twenty… Jeez, I took a bit more than I meant to." Lewis mumbled to himself. "And counting Rock's twenty that comes to about one hundred and sixty bucks. Hope none of it's fake. Or else Revy might call me out on it."

Satisfied, Lewis stuffed the cash into his boots and settled down for a cold night. At least he had his hoodie to keep him warm. Lewis heard the door to the Yellowflag open up again, but it was accompanied by the click of guns being loaded.

"You said some punk kid? He was the one who nabbed our cash?" a man asked.

"Yeah, grey hoodie and jeans. Didn't look like he was armed or nothin'. Probably some street rat fuck thinkin' he can swindle real crooks." Another growled.

"Spread out. He can't have gone far." A third spat.

Lewis cursed internally as he remembered the tiny detail he overlooked. Three piles of money, but only two gamblers? Not to mention there was another chair was moved away from the table! He should have known better, but it wasn't like another distraction was just going to appear like that! It was a golden opportunity!

Footsteps could be heard outside Lewis' cardboard safe haven, grinding the remains of a cigarette onto the concrete. He peered around for a while, looking up ladders and poking through the pile of cardboard boxes, but thankfully not checking the one he was in.

"Ah fuck, I knew that bastard was lying to my face! Punk kid, yeah right! I bet he's got all the cash stashed in his shoe, the sneaky cheating fucker!" the man cursed, leaving the alley.

Lewis carefully released a breath of relief as he realised the man was gone, hopefully for good. It was too risky to go to Revy now. Besides, the deal was that he lasted the entire day…

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Lewis awoke inside his cardboard box, back aching from lying on concrete for the entire night. Not only that, but he was sure that there was a bullet casing sticking into his ass. Kicking off the box, he saw that nothing around the alley had changed much. Looking around and seeing nobody there, Lewis decided it was probably best to find Lagoon Company's offices and hope that they hadn't taken a job. But then again, he might run the risk of being spotted by those guys from the bar. He knew what the first two looked like, but the third was a mystery man. He could have been anybody…

Maybe it would be best just to stay in the box for the day…

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

The day slowly dragged on as Lewis waited underneath his cardboard box for night to approach. When it eventually did, Lewis sat in the alley and waited for Lagoon Company to arrive. But they didn't. Creeping around the corner, he saw absolutely nothing. Looking around to the front of the Yellowflag, he saw the reason why nobody was coming that night.

In the window was a sign reading clearly in big yellow letters 'WE'RE CLOSED. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.'

"Well… Not many words that can be used in this situation." Lewis mumbled. "What the hell am I gonna do now? Those guys from before are no doubt gonna be there when this place next opens up. Guess I'll see if I can find Lagoon Company's car or their boat or something."

Spying a fire escape that spiralled up the side of a nearby building, Lewis leapt up and started climbing until he'd reached the very top. Now he was at rooftop level, he could see… an underwhelming amount really. It was no better than if he was down on street level.

Lewis was just about to start descending again when he heard a fairly loud click and something being put against his head.

"Don't move." Whispered an order alongside the man's thick Russian accent. Lewis froze up like a mammoth in a glacier and nodded slowly. "Why are you here?"

"I'm looking for Revy Two Hands, but it doesn't look like she's up here." Lewis said quickly. "I'll be on my way then…"

"You are interrupting important business for Hotel Moscow. I never want to see you up on these rooftops again, do you understand?" the voice asked.

"Yes." Lewis said quietly, trying to shrink away from the pistol barrel.

"Good. Go back down to street level and take the left street until you get to the harbour. Lagoon Company's offices are somewhere around that district. Go." He hissed, taking the gun away from Lewis' head.

Lewis immediately dropped down the fire escape as fast as he could before sprinting away from the alley and towards the harbour district.

'Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!' Lewis screamed internally. 'That was a soldier from Hotel Moscow! I nearly got axed! At least he was nice enough to point the way to Lagoon Company's offices!'

Boots thudding against the concrete, Lewis ran until he spotted Lagoon Company's red GTO. Crossing the road, Lewis stepped up the stairs and slammed himself against the door. The door opened, revealing Revy holding a can of beer. Her eyebrows raised slightly when she saw Lewis panting and doubled over, out of breath.

"Well fuck. I guess you are smart enough to survive." She smirked. "So where's my money, kid?"

Lewis sat down and tore his boot off, pouring out the money into his hand. "Here. A hundred bucks, all accounted for." He said, handing it to Revy.

Revy took the money and leafed through it before grinning. "Yeah, this is the stuff. Thanks kid. Now fuck off."

Revy slammed the door in Lewis' face, leaving Lewis completely dumbfounded at the stupidity of what he'd just done. He'd just handed over a hundred dollars to a woman who he knew he couldn't trust with an infant child and gotten nothing in return but Revy slamming the door in his face.

The door opened again and Dutch stood in the doorway this time.

"Huh, you're still here. Well if you're not busy I've got a job for you that nobody in here wants to do." Dutch said, leaving the door open for Lewis.

A smile spread across Lewis' face as he followed Dutch inside.

"So where'd you get that money? It's hard to make triple digits that fast without losing one of your internal organs." Dutch asked.

"You remember that barfight in the flag yesterday?" Revy asked, sitting on the couch. "I saw the kid grab the cash of a gambling table from those fuckwits. I thought they'd hunted you down and killed you."

"Huh. Dangerous game you were playing there kid. I wouldn't recommend trying your luck again. Thieves don't tend to last long in Roanapur." Dutch shrugged. "Anyways, I haven't decided to let you join Lagoon Company as of yet kid. As I said, you haven't proven you can bring anything to the table for my crew."

"You have a point." Lewis said, scratching the back of his head. "So what was the job you wanted me to do?"

"As I'm sure you can see, this place is a real fuckin' mess," Dutch said, looking around at the state the Lagoon Company offices were in. "And nobody here has bothered to clean it up. I was gonna do it, but I think by paying you to do it will be less of a hassle."

"I see." Lewis said, rolling up his sleeves. "I'd better get to work then."

After a while as Lewis was cleaning up the office, a thought suddenly occurred to him.

"Hey Dutch, I have a question if you don't mind me asking." Lewis said as he tied up the end of a garbage bag.

"Shoot." He responded, not even looking away from his magazine.

"What would I have to do if I wanted to join Lagoon Company?" Lewis asked.

As soon as he asked the question, Revy started snickering before bursting into full blown laughter. Dutch meanwhile hummed and mulled it over.

"It's not what you'd have to do to join up, but what you would do if you did." Dutch said. "You haven't really displayed any particular skills that Lagoon Company needs that we don't have already. For that matter, you haven't displayed any particular skills other than as an extra set of arms, and there's plenty of other people for that in Roanapur."

"I get it." Lewis said. "So what else does Lagoon Company need?"

Dutch hummed again and sat back in his chair. "Well, we have our negotiator, technician, gunslinger and me as the captain. We all take turns cooking and cleaning. Rock usually takes care of all the financial issues, customer relations and such, and Benny is good with everything in regards to communications and research. I don't think I need to get into detail about what Revy does." Dutch counted off on his fingers. "Gotta say, that doesn't leave much room for interns."

"I get the picture." Lewis mumbled.

"Still, you haven't done any wrong by my company." Dutch said. "So there's no hard feelings between us right?"

"Yeah." Lewis nodded as he got back to work.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

After Lewis had finished cleaning Lagoon Company's offices Dutch had given him two things. One, a decent amount of Baht, which Lewis quickly realised was the local currency. The second thing was a relatively old looking combat knife.

"Now kid, I'm sure you've realised by now that Roanapur's a fuckin' dangerous place. This'll help you get out of a tight spot if you ever find yourself in one." Dutch said as he handed him the knife. "But if you're smart, you won't find yourself in a position where you need to use it."

"Thanks for the advice." Lewis nodded.

Now he walked along the street, combat knife hidden up his hoodie's sleeve in a sheath Dutch had also provided. Eyes drooping, Lewis let out a heavy yawn.

"Damn it, I don't wanna spend another night sleeping under a cardboard box." He grumbled before passing a familiar looking hotel. "The Ratsap Inn? What a crummy name. Wait a minute…"

Lewis then remembered the Greenback Jane story arc. A grin spread across Lewis' face as he strode towards the inn. It looked like he'd be getting a free room for the night.

Sure enough, the owner was completely fooled when Lewis walked in feigning panic and told him that Eda from the church had sent him. Being sure to prop a chair against the doorhandle after locking it for good measure, he dropped down onto the bed, starring up at Eda's handy directions for the event that he might need to flee the building. Not that it was going to be a problem, since there wasn't anyone going to come after him anyway. A few minutes later, Lewis began to sleep.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Three hours later and a series of gunshots startled Lewis from his sleep. The crashing of a heavy door could be heard and Lewis' pulse rate shot up.

Leaping out of bed and throwing open the window, Lewis grabbed a hold of the drainage pipe and slid down, making sure to close the window behind him as he slid.

'Shiiiiiiit!' Lewis screamed internally as he slid down the tall building, hands burning from the friction on the pipe. After crashing heavily on the ground, Lewis got to his feet and blew on his hands to cool them off. "Who were those guys? The ones who I stole from? Probably. But who tipped them off?"

After thinking about it for a while, Lewis spotted the paper sign pointing to the 'escape from death'.

"Shit. Eda." Lewis realised. "How the hell did she… Ah whatever. Looks like I'll have to go the opposite way the sign's pointing."

"Oh? And why might that be?" asked a voice behind him.

"Because otherwise that crazy nun's probably going to put one right between my eyes." Lewis grumbled. Then he realised something important.

"Smart thinking. Too bad you're a little too smart for your own good." Eda growled, Glock in hand. "Now spill it. How'd you find out about that room in the Ratsap Inn?"

For a moment Lewis thought about going for his knife, but he decided better of it. It took far longer to swing a knife than to pull a trigger.

"It's pretty interesting what kind of rumours you hear when nobody thinks you're listening. Rumour had it that telling the owner of that particular hotel that Eda from church had sent you would earn you a free room for the night as long as you looked convincing." Lewis said, holding his hands above his head. "I just thought I'd test it out. Turns out the rumours were true, although I could do without all the guns being pointed at me."

Eda frowned as she held the gun a little closer. "I hope you know that the Lord frowns upon liars."

"The Lord frowns upon me anyway, I'm an atheist." Lewis snorted, looking up to the window he dropped from.

"The last atheist I met was a smarmy little bitch too." Eda snorted.

"But still, I'm not lying." Lewis frowned. "Although I don't get how those guys tracked me down."

Eda chuckled before pushing up her sunglasses. "When I heard that you'd snuck into the room I set up to lure unsuspecting blackmail victims into my clutches, I sent word around Roanapur that there was a bounty on your head. Soon enough those three stooges came running into the Rip-Off Church demanding to know your location before even talking price. Seems they had a little bit of a grudge against you, huh?"

"Yeah. Revy told me that if I didn't give her a hundred bucks by the end of the day she'd toss me into the ocean and leave me there. Not an ideal prospect." Lewis shrugged. "Those guys just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Huh? Revy? How'd a street rat like you bump elbows with Revy?" Eda asked, lowering her gun.

Lewis was about to answer when a loud sound of shattering and gunfire came from overhead. "Maybe now isn't the best time to explain!" Lewis shouted.

"Alright follow me! And keep up, or I'll leave your ass behind!" Eda shouted before turning and running down the alley. Ducking his head as gunfire started tearing through the air from the above window, Lewis followed Eda to her car.

"How much did you put on my head?! These bastards are shooting to kill!" Lewis cried as he franticly held a wooden pallet as a shield behind him.

"Eh, about a thousand give or take." Eda shrugged before opening the door to her car and turning the ignition. "They didn't really seem to care about the money though."

"A thousand dollars? Seriously?!" Lewis shouted, leaping into the back seat.

"Relax, that's chump change compared to what most mercs get per kill. These guys must've been really desperate to get laid or something. Besides, these morons aren't pros so the chances of them getting a shot on you are about a million to one." Eda grinned as she got the car into gear and floored the accelerator.

'I'm just worried this is going to turn into another Greenback Jane hunt.' Lewis thought warily, peering out from the back window at the incredibly pissed off gamblers that fell behind.

"So kid, how'd you get yourself into a position where you owed old Two Hands money?" Eda asked, turning off onto the street.

"That's a little hard to explain." Lewis sighed. "This morning I woke up floating in the middle of the ocean, which wasn't a great start to the day. Then Lagoon Company just happens to float along and decides to pick me up and drop me off on the only dry land for miles around."

"Well you've picked one hell of a place to put up your feet." Eda said.

"As we were approaching Roanapur, Revy told me that she didn't think I'd last a single day in this city. When I challenged that idea she got me to make a bet with her instead of just beating my ass into the ground. If I gave her a hundred bucks by the end of the next day, she would resist the urge to sail me back out to where they found me before dropping me in the ocean." Lewis groaned.

"Extorting a little kid? Shame on you Revy, especially for extorting one as adorable as youa." Eda tutted. "So what did you do to piss those three off so bad?"

"I thought it was a perfect plan. Wait at the Yellowflag until the place descended into its regularly scheduled madness before snatching a few twenties from a gambling table while everyone else was busy fighting. Trouble is I took money from a table of three while the third one was on the can. Probably saw me slip out of the bar while the other two idiots were fighting." Lewis recounted.

"Well well, you've got some balls for a kid, I'll give you that." Eda smirked. "So from your position I assume that Revy was happy with the cash you gave her?"

"She slammed the door in my face as soon as I gave her the money." Lewis said sourly.

Eda burst into laughter as they rounded another corner, throwing Lewis to the other side of the car. "Ah, that's Two Hands for ya! So what are you gonna do now?"

Lewis rested his head on the side window and looked out at the city around him. "I have no god-damned clue. I've arrived in this city with no purpose, no way home and no place to stay. The thing I probably should do is just get out of this city and back to a city that isn't crawling with gangsters."

"Oh no you don't. You owe me for saving your ass back there." Eda said, adjusting her mirror so she could see Lewis. "And I'm not gonna be satisfied by something like a measly hundred. You're gonna stay with me and do what I say from now on, got it?"

Lewis sighed and nodded. 'At least I'm in better hands than some other people that I could think of.' He thought.

"Now relax kid. It's a few more minutes until we get back to the church and I don't want you fear-pissing on my new interior." Eda said as the car roared onwards.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Lewis quickly realised that one of the most common things he'd been doing since he arrived in Roanapur was cleaning. After polishing the wooden pews and sweeping the floors while Eda sat back with a cold drink in hand, a door creaked open to reveal an elderly woman with an eyepatch.

"My, my. And who's this young one?" she asked, seeing Lewis. "Sister Eda, what have I told you about drinking in the chapel?"

"S-sorry Sister Yolanda." Eda said, putting away the glass. "This is a boy I saved from a few thugs on the street. He wants to repay his debt by working at the church from now on."

"Why, that's very charitable on both your parts." Yolanda smiled warmly. "Tell me child, what is your name?"

"My name is Lewis. It's a pleasure to meet you." Lewis said politely.

"And well-mannered too? I can see why you didn't want to see this one waste away in the gutters Sister Eda." Yolanda hummed. "Well then, I assume you'd know a little bit about our business here in the Rip-Off Church?"

"Uh… Miss Eda has been a bit light on that particular topic." Lewis said.

"That's Sister Eda to you!" Eda called.

"Well now, I suppose you should become acquainted with what our organisation does." Yolanda said. "Come now child, I will show you what needs to be done."

Leaning the broom against a wall, Lewis followed the elderly nun to a huge basement that was almost entirely filled with wooden crates, many of which were open and revealing guns, grenades and ammunition of all sorts!

"It has been a while since we last checked our reserve stock. We have many orders, but it helps to have a few of the more common items in stock in case of an emergency buyer." Yolanda explained, handing Lewis a clipboard. "All you need to do is to count the number of specific types of crates and see if the number of crates we have matches the number we need. But be careful around a few of these crates, since many have delicate equipment inside them."

"I see." Lewis said, scanning over the clipboard. "I'll get to work."

"Such a good boy. A real rarity in a city like this..." Yolanda muttered as she shuffled away.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Eda and Yolanda were sitting for tea, discussing a few things. After brief discussion of the weather, profits and new shipments, the conversation turned to the subject of Lewis.

"So where exactly did you find that delightful young man?" Yolanda asked.

"He apparently heard a rumour about that room in the Ratsap Inn and decided to check it out. I got the call from the owner of that place as soon as he checked in." Eda snorted.

"Funny. I'm sure no rumour of the sort existed." Yolanda said.

"Yeah, me too." Eda nodded. "That kid's gotta be up to something. He seems too much like an outsider, but he also seems to know how things work here. He didn't even react when you told him our main business is in gun-running."

"No. Not to mention it's hard to find a single polite person in this city be they man, woman or especially child." Yolanda agreed. "We must keep a close watch over him. Whatever he has planned, he won't be able to hide it from us."

"I'll see to it that he won't." Eda nodded as Yolanda stood up.

"Now I'd best see how our new addition is coming along with his chores. I'm sure he must have finished by now." She said, descending to the basement.

In said basement, Lewis was finishing counting the last of the crates as Yolanda entered. "Ah, good timing! I've just finished taking stock."

"Very good child. Now, what are we short of?" she asked.

"All the handguns seem to be in stock, as is twelve gauge shotgun ammunition. However there seems to be a shortage of nine millimetre, forty five ACP and point three five seven ammunition." Lewis counted off. "Although it seems there was something the list didn't account for."

"Oh? What is it?" Yolanda asked.

Lewis led the elderly nun to a small crate by a cornucopia of handguns that didn't appear to have any distinguishing markings or features. "I haven't checked what's inside it, but it doesn't appear to correspond with anything on the list."

"Ah yes, I remember now. There was a slight mix-up with a delivery and we were sent this in addition to a shipment of guns." Yolanda said.

"So what is it?" Lewis asked, looking over the crate.

"I suppose that will be up to you to discover." Yolanda said, handing Lewis a crowbar.

Taking the metal tool, Lewis jammed the end into the crate and forced open the nailed lid, revealing a few rows of cylindrical grenades, each painted with a different coloured stripe and a white gas mask.

"It appears to be some law enforcement equipment. How peculiar." She mused. "Well I doubt we'd be able to sell any of those things. There aren't that many people in Roanapur that are interested in non-lethal methods."

Lewis nodded, looking over the contents of the crate. "Sister Yolanda, are you sure that nobody will buy these?"

"I couldn't think of anyone who would." She said honestly. "Do you think you could find a better use for them?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, I seem to find myself neck-deep in trouble at the worst of times." Lewis said, picking up a white striped grenade. "So I think a few options to turn luck to my favour would be a boon to my health."

After thinking for a while, Yolanda nodded. "Very well. But as long as you use them cautiously. Reckless use of this gift will not be tolerated. Do I make myself clear young man?" she asked sternly.

"Yes Sister Yolanda." Lewis nodded.

"Very good. Now, return to your other chores. We can't have the chapel looking like it does now for when a customer walks in now can we?" Yolanda smiled.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

Lewis was satisfied that he'd gotten some means of defence other than the knife Dutch gave him. A few of each kind of grenade were slid into a grenade belt that was able to be hidden under his baggy hoodie and the gas mask came with its own carry bag which he had slung around his shoulder as he cleaned.

"Now let's see… White smoke, tear gas, flashbang, regular explosive… Yep, I think that's three of everything." Lewis nodded before extending the hoodie over his grenade belt. After sweeping the floors for a little while longer, Eda tapped him on the shoulder.

"We're going to the Yellowflag." She announced. "You know how to drive, right?"

"I have a vague understanding, but I could probably drive a car without killing someone." Lewis said.

"Great. Because I'm gonna get shitfaced and then you're gonna drive me back here. Now let's go!" she said, grabbing Lewis' arm and dragging him out of the church.

It took Eda only a few minutes to arrive at the Yellowflag, with Lewis taking careful note of all the streets they'd gone through. The place seemed not to take notice of Lewis when he and Eda entered, but Lewis didn't want to drop his guard. Pulling up a seat at the bar, Eda ordered a drink for herself.

"You want anything?" the barkeeper asked.

"I'm underage." Lewis shrugged.

"Then what the fuck are you doing here?" Bao asked, pouring Eda's drink which she quickly received.

"Driving Miss Daisy over here." Lewis said, jerking his thumb at Eda.

"Ah." He nodded before cleaning off a glass. "Well that's too bad for you. Yellowflag's got some of the best booze in the city."

Eda finished her drink with a gasp and a chuckle. "Bao's right. Every other place may as well be serving piss."

After nodding, Bao took a closer look at Lewis. "Say, aren't you that kid that Eda put the bounty out on? The one that stole some cash from those stupid-ass gamblers not too long ago?"

Lewis froze up as he saw several sets of eyes swivel into his direction.

"You really needed to say that so loud?" Lewis hissed.

"Yeah he is. But the bounty's off. The kid and I have made good." Eda said loudly and patting Lewis on the back for good measure. A few disinterested grumbles and snorts of annoyance signalled that the heat was off Lewis for now. "Now he's working as my personal butler and meat shield when I feel like it."

"Meat shield wasn't part of the deal." Lewis gulped.

"Excuse me, but what part of 'doing whatever I say' don't you understand?" Eda smirked.

"Right." Lewis grumbled before thumping his head onto the bar.

The door to the Yellowflag creaked open accompanied by the sound of footsteps. It sounded like a lot of them. Glancing behind him warily, Lewis was relieved to see that it was only Lagoon Company.

"Hey Eda." Revy said as she dropped herself onto a barstool. "How's it going?"

"Well, I found myself a personal chauffer for the evening." She said, patting Lewis on the back.

"Hey Revy." Lewis said weakly, still maintaining contact with the bar's surface.

"Huh? Why'd you pick up this kid?" Revy asked. "Seems to be poppin' up everywhere we go. You a cradle robber or something?"

"Get fucked Revy! For your information I saved his ass, and he was so grateful that he pleaded on his knees to let him stay with me!" Eda growled.

"Something like that." Lewis grumbled.

"Well, you're in relatively safe hands if you're staying with Eda." Dutch said as he took a seat. "Not many people would dare pick a fight with the Rip-Off Church, and if you're affiliated with them that means you've basically got a get-out-of-being-murdered-free card."

"Not to mention I have a few less chores to do." Eda smirked as she took another drink.

"So you don't drink I take it?" Benny asked, taking a seat next to Lewis.

"I'm only sixteen after all." Lewis nodded. "Keeping my brain in top condition is important. Especially in this city."

Revy snarled and thumped a fist on the bar. "Bartender! Get this pussy something strong to drink!"

"As long as you're paying for it." Bao said, taking a bottle filled with amber alcohol before pouring it into a glass.

As soon as the glass was filled, Revy slid it down to Lewis. "I'm not gonna sit in a bar with some dickless kid who can't hold his liquor, and since I'm not moving you've got two options. Grow some balls and drink or get outta this bar."

Lewis glared at Revy before looking back at the drink. Gripping it in his hand, Lewis raised it to his lips and tipped the glass back…

Just as the door to the bar suddenly exploded inwards, causing Lewis to spit the fiery alcohol in front of him.

"There he is!" shouted one of the men at the door, pointing directly at Lewis. "Ok you little fucker, do you know how fucking long we've been looking around this city for you?"

"About two days?" Lewis hazarded a guess, wiping alcohol from his mouth as he looked behind him, seeing the three gamblers and a group of their friends, all armed!

"Now we're gonna make you pay kid!" shouted the man, cocking his pistol.

The gambler fired and Lewis knocked his stool over as he leapt over the bar for cover with the rest of the bar patrons either seeking cover or running from the building.

"Damn it kid, these assholes are your friends?!" Bao shouted, shotgun suddenly in hand and crouched behind the bar.

"I wouldn't exactly call them friends." Lewis said in a panicked tone, putting on the gas mask and taking out a grenade from his concealed belt. "So I hope you don't mind if I deal with them."

"Hey! Don't you dare blow up my bar, or else you're paying for the damages after I rip you seventeen new assholes!" Bao screamed.

"Calm down, it's just a tear gas grenade. Just wait for the cloud to disperse and you'll be fine" Lewis said as Eda dropped down beside him. "Hey Sister Eda, where are those guys at?"

"Those assholes are standing directly in the middle of the room, so are you going to throw that thing or what?" Eda shouted.

Yanking the pin out, Lewis tossed the grenade over the bar and heard it thunk into the floor and roll towards the men with guns.

"Fuck!" shouted one.

"Get down!" Dutch shouted as he and the rest of Lagoon Company leapt over the bar.

"God damn it! This isn't a bunker you assholes!" Bao shouted.

The grenade Lewis tossed exploded into a cloud of red smoke and those who weren't able to escape the cloud fell to the ground, hacking and wheezing as the tear gas took effect. Peeking over the bar, Lewis quickly ducked back into cover as a pair of bullets dinged off the bar top and shattered a bottle of liquor on the shelf behind.

"Damn! I didn't get all of them!" Lewis snarled.

"That's where we come in." Revy grinned, cutlasses in hand.

Eda grinned as she drew her Glock from its holster. "Damn right. Now let's show these dicks who you're not supposed to fuck with."

Lewis flipped his hood up to cover the rest of his head as bullets continued to fly from both sides. Spotting Rock, Lewis slid a twenty out from his boot and tapped the salary man on the shoulder.

"Here. I should probably have paid you back a little sooner." He said as he handed Rock the twenty dollar note.

"Huh? Oh, no you keep it." Rock said.

"I don't like my debts going unpaid, especially from a friend." Lewis said.

"Well, thanks." Rock said, sticking the money into his pocket. "You look kinda creepy with that mask on."

"I'm just wearing it so my grenades don't affect me, but I suppose I could go for the intimidation factor as well." Lewis shrugged.

"If we can't get rid of these guys we should get out of here!" Dutch yelled above the gunfire.

"Hey Smokey, got any more of those grenades or are you going to just sit there with your thumb up your ass?!" Revy shouted. "These assholes aren't going anywhere in a hurry!"

Unclipping another grenade from his belt, Lewis tossed a white smoke grenade over the bar that quickly filled the room with white smoke.

"Alright, everyone out!" Lewis shouted. Lagoon Company filed past and Eda grabbed Lewis by the arm before following them.

Revy bashed open the back door as the six scrambled out of the smoke filled bar, a few of them coughing and waving smoke from their faces.

"Damn. Been a while since I've seen that much smoke." Dutch remarked. "Guess that's something you're good at huh kid?"

Lewis yanked the gas mask off as they continued to run before stashing it back into his carry bag. "If by that you mean causing a big-ass distraction, then yes!"

"Just don't call down an airstrike by accident!" Eda laughed. "Ya never know what might be flying overhead!"

As the group reached their cars, Lagoon Company turned to Lewis and Eda. "Well, this is where we part ways for now. See ya Eda. Take care of Smoke." Dutch said as Lagoon Company piled into their car.

"What, the kid?" Eda asked as she got into her seat and Lewis took the wheel.

"Smoke? Huh, guess that's fitting." Lewis smirked as he started the car. "Quite like the sound of that actually."

"Yeah, if you like constantly being near fire." Eda sighed. "Man, I didn't even get drunk. What a waste of time…"

*v*v*v*

*v*v*v*

A few days later and the whole incident with the gamblers had blown over, since most of the people who actually cared were either dead or not getting paid enough to care anymore. Eda had seen fit to let Lewis wander about Roanapur for a while after sending him on an errand, that errand being buying her a copious quantity of alcohol.

Lewis walked around, warily eying his surroundings. Just because he wasn't in any immediate danger, that didn't mean he shouldn't lower his guard. It was as he was checking across the tops of buildings when he spotted a vaguely familiar sign.

"Huh? Wait a minute, I know that place." Lewis mumbled to himself. "I remember now. This was the place where Hansel and Gretel ventilated that collector from Hotel Moscow. Creepy little twins."

Lewis could recall the events clear as day. The bloody violence on the inside of the shop before the outside became a bullet-strewn nightmare. Looking inside, Lewis saw that the man at the counter staring at him oddly, like he was attempting to etch into his mind every detail about him. Lewis quickly hurried away, suddenly remembering that he had to be anywhere else right now.

After delivering Eda's beer back at the church, Lewis wandered about Roanapur a little more before buying a map to chart his location and plot out his activity for the day, retracing the Vampire Twin's bloody trail through Roanapur.

"Now let's see… After turning Verricho into ground beef, that whole chase scene started. And then Revy and Eda held them up… Well Gretel's location is probably out of my reach. Guess I'll have to follow Hansel's steps." Lewis said, folding the map up before stowing it away into a pocket.

Lewis traversed the alleys, wondering if he was even going to right way. Just as he was about to open up his map again Lewis saw it. An exit leading into a tree surrounded park with a fountain spraying crystal blue water into the sky above.

"Yep. This is the place." Lewis said, walking into the park and looking around as he did. As Lewis got closer to the fountain, a terrible thought occurred to him. Suddenly alerted, Lewis looked around trying to see if he could spot the gleam of a sniper's scope.

After a long period of silence, Lewis relaxed. It seemed that Hotel Moscow was paying no heed to his activities. After all, what would a huge criminal organisation care for the hobbies of one street level punk? Lewis continued to the fountain, looking at where he was sure Hansel had been shot. He could still see the blood spilt over concrete slabs as Balalaika looked on, the memory of her fallen comrades fresh in her mind as she wrought her vengeance on one of their killers.

Lewis sat on the edge of the fountain where he imagined Balalaika could have sat, staring at the scene in front of him and diving into thought, resting his head on his hands.

'I can't believe this is real. Although I guess it's way past the point of being a dream. I could be in a coma, but what the hell could have caused it?' Lewis thought. He was so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed the sound of footsteps until it was very close in front of him. Lewis looked up and saw that his vision was blocked by a mountainous man with a long scar slashed across his face, flanked by two other men. Lewis reeled back slightly before regaining his balance, the Hotel Moscow soldiers standing perfectly still.

"Um… Can I help you?" Lewis asked.

"Yes, we believe you can." Boris grunted as one of the men to his side drew his pistol. "Who are you and what are you doing in this area?"

Lewis felt his heart rate rise again as he thought about how to escape, but he'd probably be shot before he could deploy a smoke grenade. "My name is Lewis, but most call me Smoke."

"You are a mercenary? At your age?" Boris asked.

"N-not really. I work for Sister Eda from the Rip-Off Church. She saved my life." Lewis explained.

Boris frowned and nodded to the soldier with the gun, who put it back in his holster. "The Capitan wishes to see you. You will come with us."

Lewis was appalled. "M-me? But I'm just-"

The easily panicked teenager didn't get to finish his sentence as he was lifted to his feet and dragged to a car.

*v*v*v*

*v*v*V*

A short drive later and Lewis was escorted into a building that was filled to the brim with Hotel Moscow soldiers. It was at the point where Lewis was escorted into Balalaika's office that he knew escape was literally impossible. Boris sat him down on an armchair before marching out of the room.

"The Capitan will see you shortly. Be patient." Boris commanded before locking the door behind him.

In a surveillance room outside, Balalaika breathed out a cloud of smoke as Boris entered.

"Good, you have retrieved the boy. Now let us see what he does." Balalaika said.

"Are you sure you want to test him? He may find something of importance." Boris cautioned.

"Do not worry Sargent, I have taken precautions. Any documents he might stumble across in my office are fakes, and if he does take anything we'll know he's a spy." Balalaika said.

Soon enough Lewis did start moving around on the monitor. He crossed the room and looked at the underside of Balalaika's desk before discovering a concealed Stechkin. Removing the magazine, Lewis unloaded all the bullets from it before dropping them in his pocket, returning the magazine and gun to its original hiding place and sitting back down, satisfied that he wasn't about to have a loaded gun aimed at his face again.

"Hmm. Unscrupulous little brat isn't he?" Balalaika asked with an eyebrow raised as she looked at her watch. "But still, he hasn't attempted to locate any documents."

"What is your order?" Boris asked.

Balalaika stood and extinguished her cigar in a heavily laden ashtray. "I will see him and question him. He appears to be smarter than the average street punk you find in Roanapur."

"Be careful Capitan. He may have concealed weaponry." Boris cautioned.

"Oh Sargent, when has that ever worried me?" Balalaika smirked as she left the surveillance room.

Lewis heard the door click as it unlocked and turned to see it open and Balalaika enter her office. In reality Balalaika looked far more terrifying than the anime could do justice. The burn scars were so terrifyingly detailed and vicious looking that Lewis visibly shuddered at the thought of what horrific injury could have caused the scars.

"Ah, so you're the child that I have heard about." Balalaika said, looking over Lewis. "You don't look like much to me."

"Well, the less trouble I appear to be, the less trouble I'll be in." Lewis reasoned.

"And yet here you are before me." Balalaika smiled thinly before sitting down at her desk. "I assume you know why you're here?"

"I have a feeling it has something to do with my run-in with that soldier on the rooftop?" Lewis hazarded a guess.

"Somewhat, but that was something that only made your existence aware to us." Balalaika explained. "No, I'm talking about your peculiar behaviour. You were seen loitering outside several buildings that Hotel Moscow has had particular connections with. As we understand it, the particular buildings you observed and the location my soldiers found you in were the locations for a particular event that occurred at one point in Roanapur. What, pray tell, were you doing there?"

Lewis cleared his throat and remembered the one way to convince Balalaika not to shoot him directly in the face. "I overheard a rumour in the alleys that there were two Romanian twins that caused a lot of havoc in the city before they disappeared off the face of the earth, leaving a pile of high profile bodies in their wake. But what really interested me was when I heard that they were vampires or something. I heard about the places they were sighted and decided to check them out. I suppose I'm a bit of a grief tourist really." Lewis shrugged. "But hey, everyone needs a hobby right?"

Balalaika looked vaguely surprised before cracking a thin smile. "I suppose. Do you know what became of these vampire children?"

Lewis shrugged again. "I guess they were swallowed up by Roanapur, never to be seen again."

"Indeed. It is in my interest that nothing like that ever happens again." Balalaika said before taking a cigar from her coat. "You wouldn't happen to have any weapons on you would you? In my line of work it's important not to have secrets kept from you."

Lewis involuntarily looked down at his hoodie sleeve and back at Balalaika, who was also now looking intently at his sleeve. Internally cursing, Lewis rolled up the sleeve of the grey hoodie, revealing the large combat knife Dutch had given him.

"Hmm. I was expecting a gun." Balalaika said, somewhat disappointed.

"I don't think I'd be able to afford a gun. Even then, I don't know the first thing about firearms." Lewis shrugged.

"Neither do a lot of mercenaries in Roanapur." Balalaika smirked, thinking of all the cannon fodder she had seen throw themselves against her soldiers when she first arrived in Roanapur. "But I see you have something interesting in that bag of yours."

Lewis opened up the bag, showing Balalaika the gas mask as well as lifting up the hoodie slightly to show her the grenade belt. "Just a few things that help me get out of tight spots."

"I see." Balalaika said, identifying the mask. "An M40, military issue I believe. How interesting you managed to get your hands on one."

"Sister Yolanda was quite generous." Lewis nodded, stowing the mask away.

Balalaika nodded slightly and leaned back in her large chair. "Well after this delightful chat I see no harm in letting you go free. However I think it may be best to cease your rumour hunting activities. You wouldn't want to stumble into anything that wouldn't end well for you now would you?" she asked.

Lewis nodded, getting Balalaika's message.

"But before you go, tell me something. How do you intend to keep this city from swallowing you up as well?" Balalaika asked with piercing eyes.

"Frankly I plan on just avoiding confrontation, and if I get into something I can't talk my way out of, I'll just drop a smoke grenade and flee." Lewis said. "Running away probably won't do me any favours for my reputation, but then again reputation won't matter if I'm not alive to hear about it."

"I see." Balalaika said, reaching under her table before tossing Lewis the empty Stechkin. "Then this may help you in the future. Consider it a gift from me. Farewell Smoke, and pray that our paths do not cross in the future. I can't stand the smell of burning."

"If you wish Miss Balalaika." Lewis said as he stood up and made his way to the door.

Lewis had only just put his hand on the door handle when Balalaika sliced the top off her cigar. "I don't recall ever telling you my name. I suppose that's another rumour you've heard?"

Lewis gulped as he turned away from the door. "I made sure to familiarise myself with the big players in Roanapur. I wouldn't want to be getting on any of their bad sides by accident."

"Well then, you seem quite capable and prepared don't you?" Balalaika asked. "The rumour mill is such a wonderful source of information these days."

"If it might help me survive, then I'll take any advantage. Whatever that might be." Lewis said.

Balalaika lit her cigar before taking in a breath of smoke before breathing out, the haze framing her dangerous eyes. "Be sure not to get too familiar with my organisation. You wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you."

Lewis said nothing but nodded before hurrying out of the office. Boris entered moments later and Balalaika took another drag from her cigar.

"Sargent, I want you to get our research team to scour the earth for records of this person. Find out who he is affiliated with, what trades he might have been involved in and where he came from." Balalaika ordered. "He does not seem like much trouble, but he also seems to know a great deal. One cannot do that without good connections."

"Indeed. He seemed to even recognise me when we found him at the fountain." Boris nodded.

"You have your orders Sargent. I want them carried out without hesitation." Balalaika said.

"At once Capitan." Boris saluted.

A/N

A/N

A/N

Hey everybody, thanks for sticking through this. As I said in the description of this, I spent way too much time on this for some reason to let it sit on my hard drive, so I've decided to unleash it upon the world. Please note that if skin irritation, nausea, vomiting, explosive flatulence or death occurs during or after reading, then I take absolutely no responsibility. But I can say it's not lupus. It never is.

Be sure to say in your review if you want me to continue this (mis)adventure. Maybe you could even make suggestions of what happens next.


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